White Sneakers

I looked down at my shoes the other day....they're nothing special, just a pair of New Balance sneakers that I bought because they were mostly white. When I bought them in August 2009, they were so white that they were blinding when I laced them up at 5am during my first semester clinical rotations. These white sneakers have carried me through some of the best days and some of the roughest days that I have encountered in my life.

This past Tuesday, they carried me through a rough day. It was the kind of day that made me question if this is really what I want to be doing. It was the kind of day where I cried on my way home from the hospital. The crying continued when I got home and found myself sobbing in Justin's arms for the majority of the night.

It was the kind of day that made me feel like I was incapable of doing anything to help. My patient was in such excruciating pain, despite a large amount of pain meds, that just walking into his room throughout the day broke my heart. I had to hold the tears back as I sat at the computer charting.

It was an experience that I will take with me throughout my nursing career - to help me to continue to strive to make a difference for my patients, to be their advocate, to help them in their greatest time of need. I know, it sounds like a cliche, but if you know me at all, you know it's the truth.

Today, I saw those sneakers sitting in the front entry way - they're not allowed anywhere else in the house - and they reminded me of how much I've been through & accomplished over the past 18 months.

Jack Johnson

Jack Johnson is playing on the iPod. This particular playlist is labeled as "Hospital Remix."

I'm counting to 10 over & over again... The nurse asks "Do you have any John Mayer?" I laugh, thinking to myself that my coworker saw him at a restaurant, wearing a jacket with "Mayer" written across the back, just in case no one knew who he was. Loser.com for sure.

I feel like I've been counting to 10 for hours...it was really only been about 90 minutes. I'm the first to announce "I see his hair!" Dad is so excited, he forgets to count to 10 - I take over, reminding him to keep counting, without having to say anything to him.

Before I know it, the baby is out. Dad immediately has tears streaming down his cheeks. I grab the camera, so that they have a picture of him cutting the baby's cord. & so that they can have a picture of the nurse giving Mom the baby. & so that Dad can hold the video camera, without having to worry about someone taking pictures. & so that they have a couple of pictures of their first moments of being a family. (Don't worry - they were all G-rated!)

Before I know it, Mom tells Dad to get a picture of the baby & me. It was such a great moment. I congratulate the parents & tell them what a fabulous job they did. I also thank them for allowing me to help them throughout the delivery. Dad asks me how many deliveries I've assisted in. I tell him "This was my first one."

& from that moment on, it is a memory that I will never be able to forget.

The End....already?

I can't believe it's here already - the end of my 8 week rotation in pediatrics.

I never thought that I was going to enjoy this rotation as much as I did. Let's face it, everyone says I'm great with kids, so naturally, that would mean that I would be horrible with kids at the hospital.

Much to my surprise, I LOVED every second of this rotation - even when it meant waking up a 3 year old who just started bawling his eyes out when he saw me. Even when it meant that it was just me and a young, new mom trying to get her baby a bath.

I enjoyed getting to know my patients & their parents. Learning that singing the ABCs helps to comfort a 4 year old was quite the experience & just thinking about it brings a smile to my face - especially considering I am tone deaf.

Who knows? Maybe being a pediatric nurse is in my near future!

Here we go again..

"I might throw up - I'm scared."

That's the text message that I sent to my nursing school "wife". (We spend more time with each other than we do with our significant others, so why not come up with a nickname?)

3rd semester came so quickly. Where did my summer go? It seemed as though I blinked my eyes and my summer was gone. I suppose that can happen when you spend your entire summer working....

I am so grateful that I made the time to take a family trip up to the Central Coast. It was much needed (and let's face it, well deserved!)

I take a deep breath, step out of the car & walk towards the beginning of my 3rd semester.

Dear Patient:

"The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching." — John Wooden

Dear Patient:

I should be diligently working, but instead, I decided to read the local newspaper online. That's when I saw the headline: "Prominent radiologist was 'more than great'". I knew it was you - it just had to be. I had no idea how much you have done in the medical community until now.

Back in February, I knew you were a doctor. I knew that you liked football. We had a enjoyable discussion about our Pac-10 rivalry teams. You showed me your Kindle and told me how awesome it was, especially since you were going through your chemo treatments.

You touched my life that day. That day, I learned that working with oncology patients could be a life-changing experience.

When you told me you were on your last round of chemo, I didn't expect you to have such a positive outlook.

Thank you for giving me that gentle reminder that my life truly is amazing.

You will be missed.

It's OFFICIAL!!

2 semesters down....

2 to go.

What a journey it has been!

I am so proud of myself & my nursing school BFFs!!

5 Days

At this time, 5 days from now, I will be "officially" halfway done!!!

I can't believe that this time last year, I received my acceptance letter in the mail...

It has already been one year since J showed up at my office with my "RN" Vermont teddy bear.

I have come so far in the past year & I have grown in so many ways.

I hope that this next year is full of the same amazing & life-changing experiences that this past year has been!

Thank you to everyone who has written a text message, e-mail, facebook post over the past year. The "How are you doing?" - "Want to grab lunch?" - "Want to get a coffee?" - "You can do this" - "If you need me to talk, I'm here" - "I am so proud of you" - "I love you" messages have helped me get through even the most difficult of days.

I'm going to be a nurse...a REAL Nurse. And I'm going to be a great one.