Another day.....another set of tears

It was bound to happen sooner or later - the patient that I had "picked" on Wednesday afternoon was discharged before I arrived on Thursday morning. All of the pathophysiology that I looked up & wrote out...all of those dreaded medications and their side effects ended up being just a complete waste of time. Great, just great.

My instructor circles a nurse's name and tells me to pick two of her patients, because she is a great RN and I will learn a lot. My patient may have left, but my RN will be awesome, so things have a way of evening themselves out. After almost two semesters, I have learned that having an awesome RN to shadow for the day is almost like winning the lottery...like I said, almost.

I mean, I've never won the lottery so I don't really know how it feels. I wouldn't mind having the opportunity to truly compare the two though. I'm just saying....

I frantically (well, I try not to look frantic) research the four patients that my nurse has for the day - I have to pick two. This time, I go up to the charge nurse and ask her who she recommends I should choose to do my write ups on. I end up with complete opposite sides of the spectrum, which includes my first DNR patient - who happens to also be in respiratory failure & comfort care. Comfort care is exactly as it sounds, keeping the patient comfortable.

While I have carefully and decidedly avoided many situations that involve my loved ones in a hospital, this was one experience that I will never, ever forget.

You hear/read about a having a peaceful death all of the time. For the first time, I experienced it. While it was an incredible experience, it broke my heart.

I know, I know, I'm going to be a nurse and I'm going to have to deal with death a lot. I just hope that it gets easier.

I don't know how often J will be able to handle me sobbing when I get home, "She was someone's grandma & she probably made them cookies!"